hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
