Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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