Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
