Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Randomize
