and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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