Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
