Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
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