i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Randomize
