I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
The best revenge is premature balding
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
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