She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
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I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
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I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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