Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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