i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
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