M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
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did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
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So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
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