I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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