Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
