I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
