yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
