Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
