This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
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So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
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This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?