not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Can I color on your dick again?
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
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