you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.