You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
