I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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