how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
