please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
