You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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