Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
