Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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