just tell him i said nine months
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
