How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Randomize
