Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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