Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
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