Your dad touched me again.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
