There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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