So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
no, he came in my armpit
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Randomize
