see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
