my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
