Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
I want you more than these girls want KFC
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Randomize
