I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
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