My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
