i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
