How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
