If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
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We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
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Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
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