dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
