He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
