Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
