so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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