It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
