If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
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It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
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I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
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