we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
