Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
