Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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