I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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