If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
