Christians are straight up FREAKS
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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