He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
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