I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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