im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Randomize
