And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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