The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
