I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
