The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
