just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Randomize
