I wish my penis had an off switch
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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